Monday, 17 April 2017

The Treadmill in my Head...

I have been spending a lot of time lately, feeling rejected!  Now, I am not a person for whom rejection was ever a big thing.  You either liked me or you didn't and either way was okay for me.  But lately I feel too weak to fight off rejection with the confidence I always had in the past.  And this hurt hits hard from both close to home, and not so close.

What to do about it?  I'm not sure!  I get all hurt and react internally, and then spout out my hurt (at home on the head of my poor husband)... Then I self-protect and claim I don't care!  Then I mellow and soften towards those who have hurt me, and so the cycle continues.

But the thing is, its exhausting!  Its stressful!  Its debilitating!  And I don't like feeling like this.  As I was pondering all this I reckoned that I must be suffering, or starting to suffer from some kind of depression.  That place you get to when you feel there is no hope.  (Now please bare in mind I am not commenting on depression in general, or sufferers of depression.  I am just referring to how I feel in this moment).  For me the first place I want to go to when I feel this way is Psalms.  It soothes my soul.  I feel I can relate because David ranted and raved, but always worshipped and praised too.  He was real in the moment and God loved him through it all.


Secondly, sitting and mulling things over, I considered something.  I do not need to change how I feel in this moment.  I do not need to find a solution to my "problem"!  I need only seek the Lord.  I need only dig deep and dig often into His word and He will start changing me from the inside out.  Soon, I will wake up and feel.... nothing of what I am feeling now.  Hope will start to ooze into my pores!  Joy will start to filter through my veins... and I will wake up and notice, something is different.  I know this to be true, because it happens when I turn to God first and foremost, and when I seek Him above all else...

Matt 6 v 33:  But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

We hear and quote this scripture all the time.  But it is so profound in its truth and in its reality when we practice it that you JUST CANNOT ignore the power of God's words....

So, my encouragement to you is to seek God no matter how dark you feel right now.  It is in the seeking of Him, that He works in your circumstances, in your heart, in your soul and heals you where you need healing, and restores you where you need restoration.  Apart from these things, it is the new energy that comes from letting go and letting God that is freeing too.

Without God I would be nothing, I would be lost!

God bless
Tracy

3 comments:

  1. Often times the rejection close to home stings the worst. Don't listen to the lies, find the good and focus on that. Every day has something fabulous in it.

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  2. wow. Our ABBA speaking through your words, perfect timing. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!!

    ReplyDelete

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