I haven't blogged much this year. Its not because I don't have much to say. Its more that I'm not sure how to put it all out there on paper.
There have been quite a few challenges this year. And, quite a few victories. I have been so humbled by God's faithfulness and His grace and mercy. Yet I am unable to speak on it. I have been devastated by stuff that has come to light and yet overwhelmed by God's hand in salvaging, healing and causing growth and completion in things. Even so, I am unable to speak on it. I have been frustrated by the lack of loyalties shown by those who demand loyalty. I've been struggling to not let that stuff impact my connection with people, but truth be told, it has....
I was reflecting on my word for 2016, and for a minute I could not remember what it was. Truly! I had to go to my blog to check. Ah yes, Choice! It has been a really interesting word to delve into. I have come to realise how much choice matters in my life. It has been a learning curve to realise that my attitude is a choice. Okay, I knew that, but I don't put it into practice much. I am trying to be more mindful of my attitude in situations and then choose a right attitude. I have grown enough to choose how I react in a volatile situation. I am learning to keep quiet or walk away, or not take offence. Not easy though is it?!
I'm an emotional eater! I eat whatever the emotion! 😋 I'm finding it very tough to choose not to be like that. Easy to say, "just do it". I suppose it is so ingrained in me to use food as a weapon against or reward, for myself. I'm trying to choose life in this area and not death!
I have found relationships changing this year. Old ones I have fought for, new ones I am grateful for. Appreciating those who accept me the way I am. Letting go of those whose interest in me is not genuine. Struggling through some that are exhausting but worth it.
I've decided to figure out who I am and try to hang on to that, and not let others squash it or change to make them happy. God made me a certain way for a reason and although I never had much of a problem speaking my mind, I have found in the last few years I have lost myself and have wavered in being "me" because I have not been sure who "me" is. That search is on, and who I am in the Lord is coming back to life, and with the Lord I will figure out what He wants me to do and how He wants me to serve.
I think not truly knowing who I am of late might be why I have backed off from social media and my blogger friends. I watch, observe, but I don't participate. Not even with close friends. I have withdrawn but not to have a pity party 😝. Its not until now that I am realising that stepping back has been about rediscovering myself and being true to myself. I can't just say stuff to be heard, I want to say stuff because I mean it, or it means something. Its also hard to encourage someone when you don't believe it yourself. So, I have had to push through in my own understanding of things, so that encouraging others comes from a place of truth and belief.
This year is nearly over and although much has changed, and much has stayed the same, I can truly say I am choosing to hang on to what is good and let go of what is not. God willing, this time next year I will have grown more in all these areas. It is a journey, a race. The win is in running it, not in winning it! I choose to run it better, not faster! I choose to stop and smell the roses once in a while.
Proverbs 3:5–6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding. Acknowledge him in all your ways, and he will make your paths straight.
Jeremiah 17:7 Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.
Philippians 1:6 I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
2 Peter 3:18 Rather, you must grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. All glory to him, both now and forever! Amen.